Love Life Love Yourself
Relationship and Well being Coach
Copyright © 2020. Release and Be Free. Teresa Norris RGN (Retired)
My Relationship Experience
I’ve been with Mike my amazing husband whom I met on a blind date thirty-two years ago. In 2012 everything was falling apart when I realized that I only loved him as a friend and couldn’t feel his love for me. I had been ignoring the fact that I didn’t have the connection I wanted with him. Due to a childhood trauma he had, I would go to hug him and he would often walk away leaving me feeling rejected and having a need for connection.
As a result of Mike being unable to meet those needs I reached a point where everything felt hopeless and I decided to walk away from the marriage. It was at that point that I discovered these techniques and put them into practice. My relationship changed immediately and has got better each day in every way including getting lots of hugs. It feels like I am on permanent honeymoon. We have both changed so much. I wish I had had these techniques and what I know now years ago.
Break Free Now Co-Dependency and Love Addiction Programme
What is Co-dependency?
This is when someone is dependant on approval from someone else for their self-worth and identity and behaves accordingly. They constantly puts other peoples needs first and treat relationships with their partner, friends, colleagues etc. like it is more important than themselves. In relationships they behave in ways that aren’t in their best interest just to get approval and feel good about themselves. This may include giving the person multiple chances; feeling responsible and always trying to fix any problems; ignoring problems; always coming to the person’s rescue and making excuses for them. They ignore their own needs and desires and try to control everything in the relationship. Their emotional health is affected by their behaviour which stops them from finding happy and fulfilling relationships. This results in them becoming love addicts and being attracted to emotionally unavailable people who are manipulative, controlling, unreliable or needy.
What Makes Someone Co-dependant?
This starts in childhood when the parent needs are more important than the child’s. When a child has to constantly meet the needs of others they suppress their own needs and become addicted to meeting the needs of other people. For example when a child experiences physical or sexual abuse, emotional neglect, the reversal of the parent child role or has an addicted parent e.g. to drugs, alcohol, gambling etc. the child may develop co-dependent behaviour which continues into adulthood. Emotional neglect might include a complete lack of empathy and understanding.
Usually whatever they did as a child was never good enough and resulted in them feeling unlovable. When basic needs such as feeling loved, approved of etc. aren’t met for children, they go through adulthood trying to get these needs met from others. This involves a person giving their power away to others as they are dependent on them to feel good about themselves.
Signs of Co-dependency
1. Taking care of other people excessively.
3. Confusing love with pity and loving people that you can pity and rescue.
4. May have the compulsive behaviour such as excessive working,alcohol,drugs,eating,exercise, spending money,smoking,anorexia etc.
5. Difficulty in identifying your own feelings having suppressed them since childhood.
6. Difficulty in identifying your own needs.
7. Difficulty making decisions in a relationship.
8. Difficulty communicating in a relationship.
9. Addiction to excitement.
10. You put approval from others before your self-value. You need approval from other people to feel good about yourself.
11. Excessive need for approval.
12. Judging self harshly and having a low sense of self-esteem.
13. Difficulty trusting yourself.
14. Being a reactor rather than an actor.
15. Feeling excessively responsible for others actions.
16. Being dependant on relationships where you know you will suffer and not get your needs met.
17. Neglecting to care for yourself when in a relationship, even though you can care for yourself when alone.
18. Spending a disproportionate amount of time on relationships and obsessively thinking about, wanting to be with, touch and talk to your partner.
19. Rating your partner as being superior to yourself or having more power.
20. Having an unrealistic expectation of unconditional positive regard from other person. Wanting to be cared for and deeply loved by your partner and always being disappointed as no one can satisfy your insatiable demand.
21. Feelings of guilt if you stand up for yourself.
22. Fear of being alone.
23. Fear of being abandoned.
24. Attraction to narcissistic, needy and manipulative people.
Common Co-dependent Beliefs
I do not know what I want.
I have no clear sense of direction and feel lost.
I need to be told what to do.
I do not know what I feel or want or if I do then my needs are unimportant.
I am unimportant and other people are more important than me.
I need to feel important and powerful by looking after helpless people.
Common Narcissist Needy Manipulator Beliefs
I cannot take care of myself and need to be taken care of.
I need everyone to do what I want them to do when I want it.
I am the most important person in the room.
You are unimportant.
The Role of Shame in Co- dependency
When a person is not valued for whom they are as a child they develop internalised shame. This happens when they have to hide their true self as they are growing up. It results when someone feels imperfect and of no value resulting in them feeling unlovable. This gets re-triggered every time they make a mistake or behave inappropriately. A co-dependent person is full of shame which results in hiding their true self from others and themselves. This results in emotional pain as well as conflict as their true self continuously tries to resurface. Addictions, be it to substances, behaviours or people are then used to suppress this pain. The addiction then causes shame and triggers the original shame and leads to further addiction.
Is it Time to Break Free?
Until Co-dependants decide to seek therapy and change, they will spend their life being imprisoned emotionally and behave as a slave to other people. I’ve suffered the pain and torture of doing that and attracted the control and manipulation of one narcissist after another and even a psychopath into my life until I decided to break free and release my past. Through therapy it is possible to go back and allow any unmet needs from your childhood to be met and traumas to be cleared. A feeling of self-love and self-worth then develops so you can choose when to share this with others and no longer need to get this from other people. You can then stop giving your power to others. You learn to set boundaries, know what you are feeling and needing and how to communicate that to others. You become free and no longer depend on others.
Benefits of Break Free Now Co-dependency and Love Addiction Programme
After extensive studying and personal experience of enduring and over-coming Co-dependency, I have created a profound radical breakthrough programme which will leave you feeling confident; empowered and having high self-worth. This revolutionary programme will be adapted to suit your individual needs. You will be guided and supported step by step through this transformative life changing process.
1. Release feelings of guilt, shame and inferiority.
2. Find self-love, self-worth and acceptance.
3. Move from being a victim to being empowered.
4. Clear childhood pain and any responsibility you felt for adults as a child.
5. Be free of addictions to substances, behaviours or people.
6. Release people pleasing behaviour.
7. Release any loss or grief you are feeling for your ‘X’ and what might have been.
8. Be able to identify your own feeling and needs.
9. Be able to spot needy, manipulative and narcissistic people and learn who you can trust.
10. Attract loving and caring people into your life without the need to obsess over them.
11. Learn a powerful visualisation technique.
This is just a selection of what your will learn on this transformational programme.
©2015Teresa Norris Release and Be Free
Break Free Now Co-Dependency and Love Addiction Programme